


Home

by cloudylane



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Randomness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 06:51:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2538296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudylane/pseuds/cloudylane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This came to me, as I was stuck at Heathrow Airport, nothing fancy just a non betaed little something ;-)</p><p>Have fun reading = )</p>
    </blockquote>





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me, as I was stuck at Heathrow Airport, nothing fancy just a non betaed little something ;-)
> 
> Have fun reading = )

He isn’t the sappy type, actually he prides himself on always keeping his feelings in check. It was a lifesaving skill as far as he was concerned, maybe that was putting it dramatically, but career-saving at least. He worked too hard, gave up too much, to loose his head now.  
Still the sight, James on his knees, building the most intricate Lego Castle known to man with Crissy, somehow made it a little hard to breathe. He had never looked more beautiful and that really was saying something, smiling and inventing stories, like he is born to do this, like he belongs right here. He tries to tell himself its just the fact that his son looks so happy but he knows thats a lie. Its not just the usual deep warmth he feels just seeing his son, its…Nothing. 

Just like it was simply a coincidence that he hugged James at every opportunity and some that only existed in his head, or that he did about anything to make him smile an blush preferably simultaneously and used every chance he had to spend time alone with him. It meant nothing.   
„Papa…look James has build a trapdoor“ Crissy smiled excitedly and James reached out beckoning him over. Really how could he resist? After kneeling on the floor so long he could no longer feel his knees, damn his hardwood floors, his son was hungry and barely ten minutes later their in his barely used kitchen, flour everywhere making pancakes. Even the tips of his slightly mussed hair, he liked it best this way, are dusted white and he is biting his lip in concentration. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around James waist, kiss his neck…watch him cook the pancakes, savor a little moment, like you could when you truly had someone. Instead he sets the table with his son, stealing a few glances here and there. That much he could have. A tiny snap of a dream. He probably should see James less. He would, its was easy enough to avoid any contact outside training. But how could he? That would hurt James and he couldn’t do that. He is more that likely still staring into space like an idiot when James is setting the plate of pancakes on the table, briefly only a fraction of a sec on to long he rests a Hand on his neck. „Lets eat, before Carlo catches us“ James winked and grinned like a naughty schoolboy. He was completely fucked.

Still he composes himself, he is the best footballer in the world, he has titles to win, he wont risk any of that. All he does is stuff himself with pancakes, listen to his sons stories and James gentle teasing. It feels comfortable, like home. They go swimming a few days later, early morning so the pool is practically empty. He fusses over Crissy unnecessarily, just so he didn’t have to look at James changing. It shouldn’t feel intimate but without Sergios constant jokes and Marcelos awful music, it did. It doesn’t help much because James splashing around in the shallow water with his son is bad enough. Its a movie next week, something animated, not romantic or sexy or anything he would watch with a date, after all his son got to pick. Though just for a moment, in the dark James Hand is resting on his and he whispers against his neck. „I love being with you two..“ Of course the two, is what matters. James is just practicing for the children he’ll have in the future. His silly heart is still beating faster and all he gets out is a mumbled „Me too“ 

Their meetings become even more frequent, but they’re not going on dates, they can’t be if his son is always around and he is not trying to get into James pants. He just enjoys being around him, besides James is still new and he is being a good teammate showing him around the city. Okay knowing his way around the zoo and every single Toy-store might not be all that useful, but the thought counts right?Cris is proud of himself, he manages to keep anything beyond friendship safely looked up in a dark corner of his mind. James is playing well, settling into the team and he loves being on the pitch with him. See his concentrated frown, his utter joy after a goal or a successful pass, feel his hot body pressed against his own. Sometimes he wished he didn’t have to let go. Weeks pass in a rush of goals, celebrations, euphoria and comfortable hours spend with his son and James. Three nights before the Classico Crissy grabbes his hand after he has tucked him in and said his goodnights. „Can James stay with us all the time?“ His son looks pleading and innocent and he wants nothing that being able to preserve that forever. But he can’t because the world breaks the innocent. „I am sorry, but he has his own home, we can ask him to come over tomorrow, okay?“ He gently strokes his hair, pressing a soft kiss onto his forehead. 

„Go to sleep now“ He waits a little longer until Crissys breathing has evened out. He wished he could tell him, he wished he could be honest, so baldly it physically hurt. But how? He didn’t even allow himself to think about his dreams, there was no space in his life for James. Not like that. He almost wished all he wanted was his body, sex, simple fucking. That a wank in the morning, to the mental image of James lips around his dick, could cure his desires, even just momentarily. But what he wants is…James, with his nervous stutter, his soft jokes, his heart melting smile, the warmth he feels around him, like he is for once truly safe. He wants James to be completely and egoistically his and he wants to let go enough to be his as well. Instead he curls up in bed and watches a slasher movie so graphic it makes him feel a little sick. 

He doesn’t get nervous, he has played important games before, some of much greater magnitude than this and he had proven more that once that he could deliver when it mattered He just feels restless, despite the fact that he spends such a large chunk of his life in them, he mostly hated hotel rooms. He wasn’t a TV person and his utter incompetence at videogames was getting embarrassing. Maybe he should take a walk or something but outside his feet decided that walking about ten meters down the corridor was enough. He knocked, after all his feet were usually right.   
James appears after a moment, barefoot and slightly flushed. What had he been doing?! „Cris…I’m just…just…uhm…want to come…in?“ He rarely stumbled over his words around him anymore, something that makes him prouder than any title he has won but right now he looks as fidgety as he did when they first met. Vulnerable, all soft an sweet with his hair unstyled and in track pants. 

Of course, its his first Classico and he knows how badly James wants to prove himself. So instead of trying some overused prep talk, he just pulls James into a hug, somehow shuffling inside his hotel room without letting the younger man go. James practically melts into his embrace resting his head on his shoulder, exhaling a little shakily against his neck. He isn’t sure how long they’re holding each other like this for, or when he started to stroke his back with one hand resting the other in his neck, only that he felt himself calming down, any thoughts of broken records, glory and failure had vanishing from his mind. How was it that taking care of someone could give you just as much? „Sometimes I hate being alone…“ James mumbled, he wished he could make sure he never felt truly lonely. „You’ll be fine, you’ll do great tomorrow…“ Now he was being cheesy, but he wasn’t exactly good with words either, where was Iker when you needed him? „I know, I am not scared, I’ll be playing with you…after all“ It was stupid, he had received enough compliments over the years but James sincerity still made him blush and had his heart went slightly insane. 

He just nodded smiling like an idiot any verbal reply would have felt shallow. James reached up placing a Hand on his cheek. „This scares me too..“ Suddenly he is aware that James knows and that all the stuff, he so carefully placed in the friendship box, the lingering touches, the smiles the way he sought out his comfort above everyone else’s, did mean something. Its at once exhilarating and utterly bewildering, he had never once considered the possibility…Hero-worship yes, maybe even a little crush, but nothing…of substance. He couldn’t just waltz in and just shatter everything; with his doe eyes, those ‚kiss me now lips‘ and those sinful hips…Being all shy and clumsy, but funny, warm and kindhearted and full of quiet determination. Just knocking him off his fucking feet, and that really was saying something. Why the hell wasn’t James freaking out?! He just stood there gently stroking his cheek looking up at him. He should leave, having feelings himself was one thing knowing James returned said feelings was quite another. He was his teammate and a man, there was no way, he should even be…No. He couldn’t. 

 

„Let’s just…watch a movie…okay?“ He mentally face palms, what kind of idiotic a reply was that?!   
James probably thought he was completely ignorant or slightly deaf. „Sounds good“ James just smiled grabbing his hand and dragging him over to the bed. He hadn’t even begun to order his thoughts when they were practically cuddling as Sweeny Todd was playing. Why the hell had he picked that? Apparently he hadn’t seen enough bloodshed recently. This wasn’t going the way it should, he should have told James, that they would never be more than friends. Instead he is pulling the younger man closer, enjoying how completely natural this feels, there is still a good cop vs bad cop war going on in the back of his mind and he knows he will have to get clarity somehow. 

James is human he can’t be as calm about this as he is letting him believe. How ironic, he is Cristiano, the superstar, James big idol, he's older too…still it is the boy who has him completely wrapped. Nothing has happened, James hadn’t even clearly voiced his feelings, but he just didn’t pretend, in their world, where everyone had the biggest balls, he never hid his shyness, his insecurities or any of his feelings. In his own gentle way he had shown him early on what he wanted, he had just been to scared to see it, too wrapped up in his own war against his desires. James flinches visibly and even hides his face against his chest, he laughs lowly at his horrified expression, burying a hand in his hair. Maybe his movie choice wasn’t so bad after all.   
„I am never ever…eating a meat pie, ever“ James murmured snuggling even closer. „I’ll bring dinner over sometime next week, but no pies, I promise“ James smile is enough to let him know he understands what he is trying to say. They both need to focus on the game tomorrow, after thats over they can talk and hopefully he’ll know what to do by then. 

The Classico passes in a blur, like the best games often do, all he really remembers is James smile in the dressingroom afterwards and his whispered „I am so happy I’m here“ Just thinking about the way he looked a him made his heart beat faster. He was hopeless. The last thing he wanted was attend some award ceremony, of course he feels honored but all the whole glitz and glamour, all the attention does is remind him that he can’t. He has build a life pretending, he is not just a footballer anymore, if they would get caught, it would be hell. He couldn’t drag James into this, it would be selfish beyond reason. Pepe gives him a rough nudge indicating it was time for him to go on stage. What happened to just telling him?! Only when he is up on stage, he realizes who his handing him his LFP Award. He has seen him in his suit already, but illuminated by the spotlight…fuck. His mind goes blank. All he want to do is gab James by his collar and kiss him senseless. Thankfully James is trusting the golden thing into his hand reminding him where he was. So he steps up to the microphone making some probably tired speech about how thankful he is, how he owns it all to the team and all that. Not that those things aren’t true, right now all that just felt completely meaningless in comparison to having James. When did he turn into such a coward?! After all on the pitch he relied on his instinct, he trusted his gut even more than his feet and everything in him practically yelled at him to, well go after his man, apart from that little voice that also told him to smile, be polite, charming and nice no matter how he felt, that was good, being professional had served him well over the years. But did he really want that in his personal life? 

He couldn’t be open and honest, but allowing others to dictate his choices just so he fitted into their expectations? He couldn’t do that, not now that he had found someone like James. Great he obviously had to reach that conclusion when he could do absolutely nothing about it, apart from smiling at James across the room. He somehow manages to resist grabbing James and dragging him away from that party, instead he leaves early, texting James to come over. Back home he sends Crissy’s Nanny home and starts to tidy up. Yes, he has someone to do that for him but he needs to occupy himself with something. It takes actual hours for James to get there, he can’t blame him really after all he kept him waiting for months. „I got food..I know you didn’t eat anything at the party“ It should be annoying, he could take care of himself, but he just felt touched by the gesture. „You’re really keen on messing up my game aren’t you, didn’t I say I was going to buy you dinner?“ he grins taking the bag, glad he has something to do with his hands. „Of course…can’t have you thinking all it takes is a takeaway dinner“ James winks at him and saunters into the living room. Even after he carefully placed the food on plates and carried everything into the living room, he still had no idea what he wanted to say. So he just picks at his egg fried rice trying out sentences in his head. „Cris…don’t…don’t feel obliged because I…have these feelings for you, I understand if we can’t be more that friends“ James even tries to smile but fails miserably, he isn’t a good liar. „Don’t say that…don’t fucking say that, it would hurt, I know that because it hurts me like hell, I’m terrified, but I don’t want to loose you…I want this, you, probably“ He is yelling even though, none of this is James fault, it makes him angry, that it has to be so complicated. Suddenly James is on his feet, plate clattering on the floor, he pulls him into a hug. „Tell me again what you want…“ he demands, almost pleads. He only now realizes how hard it must have been for James to wait, without pressurizing him even slightly „I want to be with you, I know it’s going to be hard and a big risk…But I still want you, just you know as my boyfriend and stuff“ Crazy how easy it suddenly is to say this after he fought for so long. James just smiles „Thank you…“ Thats all?! 

Wasn’t he supposed to reciprocate? He couldn’t just leave him hanging. Before he gathers his thoughts enough to form a verbal response, he feels soft lips on his. God, he really was an idiot for waiting so long to do this. Impulsively he pulls James closer deepening the kiss, yes he may be rushing but he wants more. Now. James, tastes, feels, smells, too good to resist. James moans lowly into the kiss when their tongues meet, sending his blood very rapidly south. Somehow James Hands make it under his Shirt, running along up to his shoulder blades and down resting on his ass, pressing their growing erections against each other. Apparently he isn’t the only one needy. Whimpering at the friction, good but not nearly enough he somehow tries to maneuver them onto the sofa, without breaking the kiss. Who needed to breath anyway? But suddenly he feels something warm and squishy under his feet, James is stumbling slightly and something is clattering quite loudly. Confused he opened his eyes, breaking the kiss. Of course James had knocked his plate down and now they were standing in noodles and broken porcelain. Very romantic. But James all flushed and swollen lips just giggles resting his head against his chest. „Guess we’re both a little eager, huh?“ He chuckled stepping out of the food. „I guess…sorry I kept you waiting, so long…“ They could have had this so much earlier, he had wasted month out of fear. 

„You needed time…“ James just shrugged slightly as though it was no big deal. Typical, he always failed to see how amazing he was. „Something woke me up, daddy“ His son stood at the bottom of the stairs looking like he was about to fall straight back asleep right there on the steps. He was about to let go of James to take care of his son but changes his mind midway. Instead he takes James Hand. „Don’t worry, James and I are going to tell you a story…but only if hurry up and go back to bed“ Chrissy practically sprints back up the stairs and James expression tells him how much this means to the younger man. „You know“ he whispers as they head up to his sons bedroom. „I like to be your boyfriend too“ He can’t help stopping for a soft kiss, because damn hearing this felt good. Later once Chrissy is sleeping again, he just leans against James, watching his son, unwilling to get up because it feels so simple, so perfect, like a true home.


End file.
